In My Sleep
To the tune of "Just 1 Kiss"
Give us a sec, ' just automate the fucker...
You gotta start somewhere
stroke legs to open moth
Awe.. The latest McIntyre.

Best viewed at a ridiculously high res.

Blue tac faces

A long time ago, in the late 1980s, there was a schoolboy band called The Atomic Nursery. They weren't very good, despite having the massively talented Christopher on drums, Philip on bass, David on guitar and Graham Duthie on vocals.

Graham actually practised so hard over that year that by the end of it he could really sing. (The rest of them just arsed about, knowing the band would one day split and be left as an embarrassing puddle of creativity.) Of the many top tunes these lads wrote, including "Better Off Dead" and "the one about jumping big buildings", the most popular by far was Phil's bass driven monster, "Dogs in Space". No original recordings of this master work remain, but here is a small (640K) MP3 of the bassline and what can be remembered of the chorus. Got wires on my fingers. Got wires on my toes. Got a monkey for company - ain't ever going home.
Download "DOGS IN SPACE" here - it's even shorter than the original.
Any similarity between this version of "Dogs in Space" and the film "Moulin Rouge" are purely coincidental.
Written using Anvil Studio, recorded with the PolderBits Sound Recorder - a sound application for the future.

2003 A year of minor changes.

Do lots of minor changes count as a major one?. I've noticed a few things this year. People who visit this page may have noticed the most major change is that there haven't actually been any this year. Working 8 hours a day with Photoshop and repetitive photography doesn't really encourage me to come home, load a text and image editor and start building wacky web pages. Unless someone's going to give me some cash for it of course. However, soon there will be some real content here (i.e. photos of Fionan/Kilfinane/Eire/Parties) and perhaps a bit of text.

In the mean time, it's pretty close to the end of 2003, and I want to make a list. This contains good stuff, bad stuff and stuff that's been on my mind. There should be links to the linkable bits. La La La. (I am listening, honestly.)

We got a donkey!

"Never take gear you don't really need"

Jimmy Saville

And now, the return of the classic "quote" class, the only bit worth reading really. Review purposes only of course.

By Waldo 'D.R.' Dobbs

What is Life?
Life is just this thing that people do when they're not totally dead, man. There is, like, this other school of thought which believes life to be a bowl of cherries, but I submit that they can clearly be told apart by the following method: Take the object under consideration and discharge a completely humungous shotgun into it from, like, about this far away. If it sort of makes this wierd little 'eeeeeeee/iik' noise, kicks its legs up and down for a while and then lies still, it was probably life. If, on the other hand, it just leaves this funny stain on the carpet but is otherwise totally unexceptional, then, in my opinion, it probably was a bowl of cherries, man. Better luck next time.
But what is life about?
Life is about seventy years, unless you do something utterly outrageous like trying to Slamdance while priming plastic explosives - in which case your guess is as good as mine, man.
Hmm... Seventy years isn't very long, is it?
Hey, man, are you kidding? You are brain-stampingly incorrect in this unsubstantiated assertion, man. Consider if you will, that, for the last fifty years of this period, you will be an old person. Old people are stupefyingly boring and, like, totally gross and nobody, like, likes them.
Why are old people gross and boring?
Not even the finest brains of medical science are able to answer this question, man, but my guess is that it's something glandular. It is ironically ironic, man, that in an era when mankind is capable of putting a personalised Walkman stereo on the moon, we are still unable to cure or reverse this completely disgusting affliction. To date, the only method which I have discovered for making old people less boring is, like, to put some kind of small venomous creature in one of their shoes and then put something utterly skullcrunching on the turntable and pretend that they're dancing it.
Will I one day be a totally boring old person?
That is, like, totally up to you as an individual, man. There are alternatives available, such as the Slamdancing-and-plastic-explosives method briefly touched on above. Many people are of the opinion that you should live fast and leave a good-looking corpse but, in my experience, it's usually better to make sure it's someone else's.
Wow, Waldo, you are, like, totally bumming me out. Is there no way that I can stay young and fantastically interesting forever?
It is, like, utterly strange that you should ask that question, man. For, by an astonishing coincidence, medical science has definitely noticed a connection between people who buy all the D.R. & Quinch novelty merchandising that they can get their hands on and people who live forever and are mind-shreddingly rich and famous and successful. So, like, by actually purchasing this book that you are, like, holding in your hands, man, then you might conceivably be prolonging your life! Is that unbelievably incredible or what? I dunno, man, maybe you ought to go back to the store and get a couple of D.R. & Quinch humorous motto T-shirts, just to be, like, totally certain. And some badges, man. And get me a sandwich while you're there, man.
What kind of sandwich would you like, Waldo?
I'd like a beer and money sandwich, man. Hold the bread."

With your sister, somewhere you wouldn't like, 2004
Script Robot: Alan Moore
©1985 - 2003 2000AD / Rebellion

Burn another one, will ya mate?